Posted by: noadventure | April 14, 2013

Rifle Sighting (AR15)

Way down yonder in Thibodaux, there is a rifle range where you can shoot targets from 300 yards away. Sean needed help sighting his AR15. It takes 2 to sight a rifle (1 to shoot and 1 to scope the target). We grabbed a bunch of guns and went to it.

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Here’s the rules. We were the only ones there so it wan’t too crazy.

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The lone AR15. I didn’t know what an AR15 was before we got there. It looks like an M16 (kinda the same gun), but it has a collapsable stock. It’s super light and doesn’t kick like you might think. When sighting, the rifle sits in a little sighting stand that can be finely adjusted. This way, it insures that the rifle is perfectly still when fired.

lone ar15gunonstand

The bullets are pretty small for this type of gun. I also didn’t know you could hunt deer with this weapon, but it’s perfect for it. This particular gun runs about $1000 at current market price, but it also has about $1000 worth of hi-tech shit on it.

bullets

We bought a few cool targets.

deepbackstop

These are pretty realistic. This zombie deer looks like he would fuck somebody up. Look at his exposed guts. Is that more guts hanging from his antlers? Mean.

ragingdeer

Just to be clear, there is a disclaimer on the deer targets.

deerdisclaimer

It reads, “Any resemblance to real beings, living or dead, is purely coincidental.”

We busted caps (meticulously) for a couple of hours. Then we shot a few other guns.

Nice grouping.

nicegroupingtactical shotgun

Posted by: noadventure | March 21, 2013

I Climbed the Highest Mountain in Florida.

Fork and spoon. I can finally check this baby off my bucket list. Britton Hill is the highest point in Florida, which makes it the lowest “highest point” in any of the 50 states (yes, this includes Louisiana). At 345 feet, it’s 190 feet SHORTER than Louisiana’s mighty Driskill Mountain (wow, I looked a lot younger then).

sign

 

The stunning view from the summit.

view

 

My short list of highpoints to bag includes South Carolina (I’m coming for you), Virginia, Georgia, and Mississippi. Here’s my tick list of ones I already did. Climb on.

Posted by: noadventure | February 25, 2013

Vietnamese New Year (Tet Festival)

New Orleans’ huge Vietnamese community throws down every year around this time. It’s called the Tet Festival. This is a great place to go if you want your ears blasted off by fireworks. We sat in the dining enclosure eating pho tai, while tiny kids ran around throwing firecrackers at each other. No one seemed to mind (except my fucking ears).

pho tai

These kids were definitely on speed. Armed with deafening fireworks, they tore through the grounds in a streak of sparks.

kids playingfireworks

If you don’t personally know Vietnamese people, let me break it down for you. They love gambling. They also love Heineken (almost as much as they love gambling). If anyone is offended by this, PLEASE fucking tell me how Vietnamese people don’t love gambling. PLEASE.

heineken signgmabling

For those too young to gamble, but too old for explosives, there were video games (for prizes).

gamers

There was also a huge stage for Vietnamese singers and dancing. We came to see the Dragon dance, which was performed nightly at 6pm. It must have been 60 seconds long, because we walked out of the Pho tent at 6:01 and the Viet-pop singing had already begun.

lit stageflags

Posted by: noadventure | February 19, 2013

F*ck Wallets

AS SEEN ON STREETCARNAGE.

I hate having shit in my pockets. For the past few years, it has been my mission to carry less stuff. Simplify.

I dreamed of the idea of a phone that was a wallet. When I awoke, I looked on ebay, and there it was.

101_0496

Looks like a regular phone case, right? Wrong, kimosabe. It can hold 2 cards in a little secret compartment in the back.

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Driver’s license. Debit card. That’s it.

What about cash? Fuck cash. From now on, if I got to a restaurant and they only accept cash, I will use the ATM and never go back there. What about insurance cards? The authorities can figure that out later. We carry around too much stuff that we only use biannually or less. Simplify, holmes.

You should see my keychain. I’m down to just a vehicle and office key only. At my house, I put these things on every door that goes outside.

photo

Not only am I stridently opposed to carrying extra stuff in my pockets, I’m also really good at losing things. With the keypad deadbolts, I never get locked out and I don’t have to carry a house key. Yeah, I know you’re probably saying one of two things right now:

1 “Old news. I’ve been doing the phone/wallet thing since 1986.”

OR

2 “If you lose your phone you lose EVERYHING. The horror!”

My answer to the latter is, “Yes, you are completely correct.” Also, if you lose you car keys, you can’t drive your car.

If you lose your phone or your wallet normally, you’re fucked too. My way, there is just one less thing to lose. That’s a risk I’m willing to take.

ALSO:

Btw, if you want to hear me talk on a recent PODCAST if “On the fly with Uncle Walter” click away. I talk about NOadventure.com and Fat City metal.

Posted by: noadventure | January 30, 2013

Adventuring by Train

Editor’s note: This week’s post is from guest writer Jason. Remember that all guest posters receive a free NOadventure t-shirt in charcoal gray American Apparel. Please limit submissions to 800 words(of course, they can be alot shorter).

This week the new Loyola Streetcar opened, connecting the Canal Street streetcar line to Union Passenger Terminal (UPT), New Orleans’ art deco train/bus station.

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This opens up all sorts of new adventures for those interested in traveling long distances without ever having to get into a car. Now residents Uptown (St Charles Streetcar), Mid-City (Canal Street Streetcar) or French Quarter (Riverfront Streetcar) can now get to UPT on a streetcar, and depart on one of three lines that connect New Orleans to the rest of the country.

Editor’s note: Here is some maniac’s video of the scale model he built of the UPT.

I have taken many trains across the country, including #1 and #3 below (plus a train to Portland which took three days and regional trains in Pacific Northwest and Southern California).  It is a relaxing, affordable, and contemplative way to travel.  There are dining and lounge cars on each of these lines, as well as sleeper cars (for an extra fee; otherwise you get a large comfortable seat, roughly the size of a first-class airline seat, with two seats on the side of the center aisle) ensuring comfort for travelers at any budget.

1) City of New Orleans.  This eponymous line leaves daily, headed to Chicago by way of Memphis with stops at a dozen points along the way.  This train line is particularly famous because Arlo Guthrie sang about it in The City of New Orleans, which became a country classic. It was re-recorded by Willie Nelson and others country legends.  Johnny Cash said, “I believe it is the best train song I’ve ever heard.”

2) Sunset Limited.  Leaves three times a week, traverses the southern U.S. border all the way to Los Angeles.

3) Crescent.  Leaves once daily.  Goes to Atlanta, Charlotte, DC, Philly and New York.  I took this train a few months ago, and kept going to Boston and then Montreal.  Was one of the best trips of my life.  Here’s a music video I made of the trip.  Enjoy!

NOLA to Montreal, by Train and Song.

Posted by: noadventure | January 18, 2013

Make Beef Jerky

AS SEEN ON STREETCARNAGE.COM

I don’t cook. I can make sandwiches that make the earth shake, but you will not catch me sauteing, broiling, or baking. As some people live to eat, I eat to live. I’m more for convenience and speed than dragging out the ritual of eating. Flavor is important, but I have a terribly unsophisticated palate. In fact, I have horrible taste. A $40 steak tastes great to me, but so do gas station nachos.

If you’re like protein, and who doesn’t nowadays, might I suggest jerky? No matter what kind of gluten-free cock-tasting diet you are on, be forewarned. Jerky hits the spot in that primal, meat-craving sector of your brain that even vegans admit to having.

beef-jerky-12

The problem with jerky is that costs the same as diamonds. Fortunately, you can make your own for pennies. I usually go to the butcher and get around 4 pounds of rump roast, bottom round, or eye of round for 15 to 17 bucks. Beef is cheap and available, but if I’m in a white neighborhood where they have bison, I’ll get that. Better still, if you live in America, you just might have an uncle that knows a guy who hunts. It is a known fact that guys who hunt give away thousands of pounds of deer meat to strangers every winter. Get on the list of guys who get the meat. It doesn’t matter how cheap the cut is, jerkifying meat makes it all taste like a salty, savory, edible moccasin. Don’t waste your coin on filet mignon.

meatpound

Next you’re going to want to slice it in 1/4 inch thick strips. If there’s any fat, toss it.

2 meat in tub

Mix it all up with 1/2 worcestershire  sauce, 1/2 soy sauce, plus a ton of spices like cumin and liquid smoke. Drop it all in a covered dish and let it soak overnight in the fridge.

4 fridge

When you wake up, lay it out on these 4 trays. I forgot to tell you that you need a food dehydrator. Don’t buy a Chinese piece of shit. Get the Excalibur. It supposed to be able to dehydrate all kinds of foods, but to me it’s a jerky machine. Anyway, lay those strips out evenly.

5 strips

Now stack them up in the Excalibur.

6 stacks

Plug it in and set your intelligent phone for 8 hours. Find something to do.

8 hours

The final product looks like shit, but it tastes like awesome. There are no preservatives, corn syrups, or reptile poisons; just the unadulterated meat rewards that come from a nice slow jerking.

9 jerky time

There you have it. $20 worth of ingredients and minimal work equals a pile of jerky with a street value of several hundred dollars. With the “price of beef going through the fucking roof, that’s a deal!”

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Posted by: noadventure | January 4, 2013

Polar Bears PLUNGE Again!

I’ve got to be honest here. I’m really puzzled why there is so little participation in this event. If New Orleans’ Running of the Bulls can pull in what appeared to be 10 thousand people, I figured I could  at least get 50 people to do the New Orleans Polar Bear Plunge. In the weeks leading up to last year, I had DOZENS of people pledging to make the plunge on Xmas day. Almost everybody flaked.

Is it just the difference between drinking beer in the sunshine with a bunch of chicks(Running of the Bulls) and drinking beer in the cold with a few dudes(NOPB Plunge)? Despite the abysmal turnout, we STILL had fun.

It’s hard to get people to jump in cold water on January 1st. As usual, public interest was dismal. Mere days before the second annual New Orleans Polar Bear Plunge, the event was in jeopardy.

Last year’s plunge had 7 brave participants and a car full of spectators; this year, exactly 1 bro told me “I’m in.”

Last year’s Polar Bears entering the froth.

entrance2

It’s probably the southernmost Polar Bear event in the United States; it’s certainly the most sparsely attended. The sad thing is, it’s not even really cold. Sure, the air temp might be in the forties, but the water is in the mid-sixties. People are just serious pussies when it comes to being cold and wet.

The only douches dumb enough to rip it on New Year’s Day.

lookatthesedouches

The fog was so thick that you couldn’t see the water from the beach. We started by gleaming this waterway’s cube.

The waves were out of control. Six inch barrels all day.

duelingboards

beerme

meshred

girlsaresounimpressed

The girls weren’t the least bit impressed. One of them wanted to give it a shot. “Go for it!”

Girlstry startwipeout wipeout goodsport

“What a good sport!” Since she was already soaking wet, she decided to join us in the Gulf of Mexico.

Now we were 3 strong.

arms up

ohsocold

We played around in the shallow water, dunking ourselves with fervor every few seconds.

handstand

flyingninja

Next year’s event promises to have twice the excitement and half the participants. See you there.

STREETCARNAGE.com version here.

Posted by: noadventure | January 1, 2013

Kickstarter is Bullshit

As seen on STREETCARNAGE.com

bullshit

Ok, so I ‘ve made a decent income for the past 10 years. Funny, since the economy is supposed to be in the shithouse right? I think the main reason I’ve been making money all these years is because I FUCKING WORKED FOR IT.

That’s the difference between hobos and regular people. To clarify, I’m speaking of the working vs. begging part. I smell just as terrible as any homeless bum.

Since 2009, Kickstarter has re-introduced the art of public begging with their “crowd funding.” The site boasts a 43.85% total success rate, which has helped fund projects like Tentacle Bento, “a tentacle card game intended to satirize Japanese school girl tentacle rape comics.”

tentacle

The amazing thing is that bonafide celebrated individuals such as Colin Hanks, Matthew Modine, and  megastar Ricki Lake have used Kickstarter for their projects. Even Whoopi Goldberg, deep pocketed as she is, used the site for what was undoubtedly some marvelous piece of shit. At least she didn’t have to pay for it.

My grandfather used to tell me, “There’s only one place money comes from: work.” If he were alive today, I’d wave an iPad in his face and say, “Not true gramps! You can beg people for money on the information superhighway. It’s called Kickstarter!”

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